So, this is how the other half lives...

Day three of unemployment (that is only scheduled to last for a week) and full-time school. It's crazy to not have to get up and GO to work. I am still trying to get up on time (around 7:30) and clean up and get ready for the day and then start school. So far, so good. I think this is going to work well. I feel good about it and my ability to progress in school.

Today, though, I needed to run an errand and did it at about 2:00. It was so nice to be able to just go like a SAHM would and not have to worry about getting there before they closed (not that I am in any way comparing myself to a stay at home mom by way of the work they do, just that I also am at home during normal work hours) only without the kids in tow.

Still, all the best laid plans have fallen aside. I was going to get up, get dressed, work on school stuff, clean my house, excercise... well, unfortunately, I've fallen victim to the siren call that is afternoon television. I do my get dressed/school routine of a morning, but by afternoon, I need a break and the couch/remote combo calls to me like the sirens did sailors.

"Come, waste time here... who needs a clean house...." Oddly enough one of the shows I've "discovered" is on BBC America and is called How Clean is Your House? These two shrill-voiced British women go into these houses that should be condemned for being so filthy (all of which make my house seem clean by comparison) and teach the hoarders and filthy housed people to clean their houses and (along with the people who live there and a team of cleaners) clean and organize the house. Still, by comparison, my house doesn't look so bad.

I've also fallen victim to the computer... it is amazing how much time I can waste reading blogs, doing random Google searches, etc. All of which have nothing to do with my goal of a clean house or buns of steel.

Ah, well, my week-long unemployment ends next week. I am planning to go in and work all day Tuesday and Thursday and if necessary half a day another day of the week. For now, just Tuesday and Thursday. I have discovered that I will need to get up, get dressed and go to the library or some other such place to practice.

As for school. I have created a list of goals and I am going to print a small one to put on my machine and another to put on my bathroom mirror. Supposedly, by writing them out, posting them where I practice and in the bathroom and reading them to myself, it will help me to achieve them more quickly. Here's hoping!

Oh, and the cats have just about quit staring at me like I'm interrupting their day by being here. Now, they just ignore me.

And I really want to go back?

I came home from the Panhandle with a yucky surprise... allergies or maybe a cold. I guess some crop must have been doing something (likely corn) and on Monday morning I woke up with a sore throat, stuffy ears and an alternately runny/stuffy nose. Oh yeah. I just keep thinking... and I really want to move back to that? Well, yes, actually I do, but I just don't look forward to that part of it. I'm much better by today. It's amazing what Allegra and ibuprofen can do for you.

In other news: Officially I have only 2 days after today at my job. Boss is at the Home Office this week, traveling next week, and on vacation the week after. Since I'm being re-hired to work part time, it is kind-of anticlimactic. I sent a sneaky e-mail yesterday letting everyone know that my "replacement" had been found and that she's wonderful and helpful and that they would notice little to no change other than "she" would only be at the office part time.

I will have to now quit the photo job. I'm a little sad about that, but it came down to economics -- $14.50 an hour or $9.00 an hour -- and having Saturday and Sunday off. Mainly, I wanted to have Sunday off. I miss going to church... I miss the fellowship of being part of a church family.

Anyway, I'm excited. This change is going to be for the best and it isn't REALLY that huge of a change (or so I keep telling myself). I will have the time and most importantly the energy to devote to school and can speed up my progress considerably because I will not be exhausted and brain dead when I "go" to school. I am so looking forward to being able to practice and build speed and getting out of school.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

I have been struggling to juggle school and two jobs for quite a while now. The further I've gotten in school and the closer to qualifying for the state CSR exam, the more stressful and frustrating it has become.

Since December, I've been biding my time waiting for Boss to close the office and lay me off... waiting for a severence package to hopefully carry me through until I finished school. It all came to a dramatic and teary peak last Friday. Boss told me that the office isn't closing, and my job will remain as a part time position. By my job remaining, I'm not eligible for severence or unemployment benefits but, and here's the kicker, I can't afford to stay on a part-time basis.

So, you may wonder how I'm going to swing it without a job? I'm going to "invest" my 401(k) into me. It's not making me any money in this economy, but if I cash it out (and yes, I know it's 20% in taxes and a 10% penalty for early withdrawl) and use it to live on for the next 4-5 months, I should be okay. I figure it will at least then be earning me money in the long run when I finish school because I'll be able to afford to rebuild it and build on it. Besides, it's not like I'm going to go buy a boat with the money!

There is a CSR exam being given in September. I figure if I quit my job now and really concentrate on qualifying to take the exam for the three weeks between the end of my job and the qualify-by date in mid August and then really hit it hard for the September 27 exam, I'm sure to pass. If I don't (a) qualify or (b) pass the exam, there is another one being given in January, and I will pass that one.

So, the girl who despises change of any kind and will hold on to the status quo until her fingers fall off is jumping into change with both feet and no net. I'm truly terrified. I'm also excited. I guess you could say I'm terri-cited! Nah, don't say that. It sounds silly.

I saw my future...

When I went to Amarillo a couple of weeks ago to see the grandparents, I had a great visit with my uncles and aunt as well. One night as we were all sitting in the living room, the subject of "did you take all your night time medicine?" came up. BOTH of my uncles (and I suspect my father would have been, too) are on mulitple medicines for various ailments many of which would not be necessary if it they lost 75 pounds (or more). Both of them carry weight in their bellies, a good indicator of future heart disease according to the medical profession. I suddenly saw my future unless I do something about it.

But I came home, got back into my normal routine and promptly forgot about the panic I felt sitting in the livingroom that night. That is until this morning. I stepped on the scale and nearly cried. Then as I got into the shower I actually saw myself in the mirror. That panic came back. Something has got to be done. I have got to do something. I know myself well enough to know that I'm not going to change what I eat completely. BUT I can, and need to, watch portions. I can change the between meal snacks to healthier options.

I also have loads of workout tapes that I can do.

So, it is up to me to change what I saw as my future. I don't want to be sitting around with my neice and nephew 25 years from now discussing if we've taken our bedtime medicine. I certainly don't want them to look at me and think, gosh, if she'd just lose weight she'd be a lot healthier and probably wouldn't need all that medicine.

Now, in all fairness to my uncles, neither seems bothered by their weight. My Aunt J even said that Uncle G is happy with his and isn't willing to do anything about it. The thing is, I'm not happy with my weight and the way I look and I am willing to do something about it. I have got to do something about it.