Friday, April 18, 2008

In which I show my weaker side

I always know my stress level is way too high when I can't stop myself from crying and then can't stop once I've started. So, today when I got back to the office after the meetings this week, I sat down at my desk and suddenly burst into tears... no warning and no stopping it.

It felt suddenly like all of the balls I so carefully struggle to keep in the air all fell at once. The worst part is, as I sat alone (thank goodness) in my office, Boss picked that exact moment to call. As much as I tried NOT to sound like I was upset, Boss has known me for eight years. So he asked what was wrong and if it was work stuff or personal stuff. I choked out "personal stuff" and he didn't pry.

So, what was the breaking point? My part-time job now wants me to learn to open and close the store so I can have more flexibility in when I can work. I don't want, and can't really handle, any more things to be responsible for. I start the more responsibilty on Sunday when I have to open the store by myself which means I will now have a key to the store.

I am currently doing my very best to juggle my full-time job, my part-time job and my now full-time school hours. Unfortunately, there are only so many hours in a day and for some reason, sleep is a necessity in my life. Right now, my schedule is M-F work 8:00-4:30. I get home about 5:00, eat, and try to relax for a tiny bit and do stuff around my house like laundry and cleaning. School 6:00-9:00 or 9:30.

Weekends are generally work 10:00-6:30 Saturday and 11:00 to 7:00 on Sunday. This past Saturday, I worked on school until around midnight to finish it up because we had a meeting Sunday after the store closed and I knew I wouldn't be home until around 9:00. After wrangling the little germ monkeys all day at the photo job, I'm just exhausted, but I still have 10 or so hours left of school to finish. I plan to try to do school work before work on Sunday from say 7:00 to 9:00.

Something has to give and I don't know what it can be. I have to have both jobs in order to do the extra things like go to the dentist and go to the eye doctor (both of which need to be done and soon and will be about $200 or so each). I also need to find an extra 25 hours in the week to go to school. My house is a wreck to the point that if anyone saw it, I'd be mortified. I'm running out of clean clothes and the laundry is piling up beside the hamper since the hamper is full.

I am sure it will all work out, it always does. But for now, I'm going to cry.

Edited to add: Boss is sweet. He was worried about me so he just had the only other female who works in the area call me to make sure that I'm okay. I told her to assure him I am fine, I'm just a girl and girls sometimes cry for reasons men will never understand. (He has three daughters, you'd think he'd understand that!)


Carrie said...

I hope you're able to find that happy balance soon. I know it's not easy but you've done a great job juggling everything so far.

Julie said...

Sorry you are having such a hard time of it...

I hope you find that either you can decline the keys to the store or it's not as much new responsibility as you worry.

amanew said...

I send you a big hug. You have done great so far and I know that it will be fine again. Just looks bleak right now.