You know that day at the office where you have little or nothing to do? It's the kind of day where you have finished all you have to do and it isn't time to start the next big project. A day that's uncluttered and unbusy. It feels refreshing and a bit naughty when you can just look busy for the day but actually accomplish very little, right? Now imagine that all day, every day. When that lack of productivity defines your job, it can really wear on you and make you feel useless.
I have always prided myself in doing a good job and being known for doing a good job. I like making my bosses look good by creating the best presentation or planning the best meeting with all the little touches that make it one step above what is expected. The problem is, now I don't have a good job to do but I still have to come to the office every day and pretend. I have a few things that I do everyday. It's just basic busy work that makes the office run smoothly, but with the new system in place, I am not necessary at all, really. That realization kind of messes with my perception of who I am as an employee. I want to be busy. I need to be needed at work.
Now, I don't define myself by my job and I don't get my self-worth from it, either. Still, my parents instilled in me a certain work ethic. That work ethic states that you work for what you earn and you always give 100%. The problem now is there is nothing for me to give that 100% to. It bothers me that I have time to kill most all day every day. I feel guilty, honestly, that I am here, getting paid for being a warm body in my chair.
I have been with this company for eight years so I do feel a sense of loyalty to them. They are an amazing company to work for. They're not perfect, but as far as how they treat employees overall, most people have no major complaints. That includes me. I feel sad that my time with them is coming to an end. I guess I should look at this year is kind of my farewell tour. Let's just hope it's not like the never-ending Cher Farewell Tour where by the end people are just saying "get out, already!"
3 comments:
Wait, we must be living in one of those split times where we are both at the same place doing the same thing and yet not the same person. I can seriously get my entire job done for a day in three hours. Tops. It had been like this for years until this year when they finally deemed me worthy of actually doing more than I've been doing. Nevermind the fact that I'd been asking for the entire time I've been here to be utilized more.
Good luck! And I hope you get busy soon!
Been there, done that, probably spent too much time shopping online during that time.
It's rough not really having anything and I totally feel your pain. There were more than a few days when I wondered if anyone would even notice if I just didn't bother to show up because I had *zippo* to do most days. Hang in there, find creative things to do during the day, etc., etc. Good luck.
I know the feeling well. And that work ethic thing really sucks at times. :)
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