I'm so totally frustrated with school right now. I'm to a point where I don't even want to practice because I don't see progress. I thought I'd be finished with school or at least qualified for the state exam by now. Yet I'm still struggling to pass the qualifying tests. I don't feel like I'm progressing and I don't know what to do *to* progress. I'm floundering.
I sit and watch the news and the economy is in the tank. So, if I don't get out of school by at the very latest the end of next quarter in March, I'm going to have to get a job again. But, what then? Is there a point where I just say to heck with it and do something else? But what would I do?
This is so not the life I wanted. I wanted to be married and have kids and the minivan. Okay, maybe not the minivan, but the rest I wanted. Not even past tense. Those are things I want still.
I guess I'm just at a crossroads. I can choose one fork and can continue to work toward the court reporting thing. But the other fork is to quit school and figure something else out. Ugh. Honestly, the thought of quitting makes me more nervous than I was going to Austin to take the written part. (That is VERY nervous, by the way.) I have no idea what I would do if I quit. I've been working toward this for so long because I do love it. I do want it. The question is, is it within my grasp. I mean, really within my grasp. Is this something that I can really do?
I hope so.